To be or not to be. To heal or be healed. To love or be loved.
Since the very beginning of the process of my spiritual awakening, like many of us, I have been on a deep journey of healing and resistance and healing and resistance and healing… My destiny has been such that I have always been given incredibly difficult lessons, literally wrestling with demons on a regular basis. My soul has chosen to learn in this way! I’ve had to go to the densest corners of the underworld to gain a glimpse of the most blissful heaven. My life has had its share of difficulty in many ways and for the majority of this journey I have believed that I was just one of those people that had to be healed. As I watched so many of my friends step firmly into their roles as healers, I began to wonder if my destiny in this life wasn’t to be a healer, but to simply be healed, over and over again.
“Nobody escapes being wounded. We all are wounded people, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. The main question is not ‘How can we hide our wounds?’ so we don’t have to be embarrassed, but ‘How can we put our woundedness in the service of others?' When our wounds cease to be a source of shame, and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers.” ~ Henri J. M. Nouwen
This is a key point, in that shame may be the heaviest emotion that exists and definitely is the most detrimental to our spiritual growth. When we are able to unravel and dissolve this concept of shame and embrace the wounds we have been gifted, we can discover infinite wells of power to create.
Over the past few months I have gone through what I can say has been the most difficult heartbreak I have ever experienced. Breaking apart from what I believed to be my soul’s perfect counterpart, my twin flame. This relationship was unlike any I had ever experienced. It felt as though I had been faced with the truest essence of myself, and gifted some of the most valuable lessons I have ever known. This experience brought me to have to rebuild my entire life in the span of a couple weeks, as well as my entire perception of reality.
I began to piece my life back together and sought out healing from friends, teachers and different workshops in my community. I suddenly came to a very clear understanding that I am the seeker, I am the creator of my life experience. If I can bring my life, my body, mind and soul back in to harmony and clear so much of the pain of this experience within such a short period of time, I too have the capacity to be a healer. Never before had my strength felt so empowered to mend my own wounds and listen to my intuition on where to seek out clarity during such difficulty. I am here to heal and be healed, as we all are. We are all each others’ teachers and students. I am acknowledging the amount of work I have had to do along my journey to clear so much trauma and through this am now discovering my power to heal. Through this I find resonance with the ‘wounded healer archetype’ that Jung speaks about.
“The analyst must go on learning endlessly…it is his own hurt that gives the measure of his power to heal. This, and nothing else, is the meaning of the Greek myth of the wounded physician.” ~ Carl Jung
I too believe that we are perfect always within our imperfections. Just because we have pain and trauma to heal does not mean there is anything wrong with us. It took me a long time to truly grasp this, but the truth is that we are all gifted these lessons for a magnificent reason - to embody our unique expression of service to humanity. We are simply making space for a greater light to be spread.
There is a beautiful mirror I've discovered as well in the idea of a person not having the ideal expression of their love reciprocated. When we love someone, but cannot be with them, it doesn’t mean we have to stop loving them. In fact, the love is even more visceral when it is free of circumstantial limitations. The love is eternal and always exists between us simultaneously. Similarly, when someone provides healing for us, we are too providing healing for them through the experience and empowering their innate essence to heal. It is never one sided. This is all a co-creation to step into the best version of ourselves. To love or be loved? There is no duality here at all. Unconditional love allows us to feel both, and this profound understanding is a vital part of stepping into the role of the healer. To heal or be healed? There is no duality here either. The more we heal ourselves and are open to the healing love of others, the more we step into our role as a healer as well. This is the expansion of the planet into a perfect embodiment of unconditional love.
Presently, I am moving through a process in which I feel a summoning of sorts is taking place. It feels as though I am being summoned as a healer from forces beyond, as if my guardians are saying to me “It is time”. I am being guided to train in certain modalities I would never have considered a couple of months ago. For this reason, I am excited and feeling called to share about this process! I am discovering the wisdom to clear wounds that have clouded my vision for years. Suddenly the answers are there, and they are manifesting perfectly into reality with ease. How it will all look in its full expression is still a great mystery and I am so grateful for the journey that has taken me here. It seems the simple message is that there is an unimaginable abundance of light found within the darkness, if we can open ourselves enough to see it.
What I know without a doubt is that a space is being created to be filled with the divine healing energy of the love of the light. Healing ourselves is healing others and so we step into full embodiment of our destined service to humanity.