How to have a Tantric Date Night with Your Self

October 21, 2017


Lately I’ve been feeling like the only way to combat the discomfort of this strenuous soul squirming, slightly psychologically disturbing unraveling of my old self, is with a whole lot more love. Yes, with the approaching darkness and cool nights, there is an overall shedding away of painful parts of myself that some other succulent part of me is just dying to hold on to. Dying to hold on to? That’s a bit of a paradox. It’s just dying away, all of it.


You know what I’m going to fill that space up with? Self-love. A whole night of Tantric self-love.

Here is how you can have one too!


Create a Sacred Space


Have your altar display all of your most sacred and ceremonial objects and tools. Mine has everything – from my Norse Goddess statue of Freyja, to Egyptian Goddess Isis, Pan and Aphrodite, to images of the God Ganesha, Lord Shiva and his counterpart Parvati, Krishna, Buddha, to endless crystals and herbs, my miniature cauldron, sacred wands, a chalice, spirit animal totems, flowers and any sentimental poems and items that are dear to me. I say, add it all.

For the purpose of this Tantric ritual, you may choose to add roses (for love, balance, new beginnings) and rearrange your altar so that items inspiring love specifically (for example rose quartz) are the focal point.

You can start by creating the ambiance of your space with candles, usually pink or red to invoke the energy of love and passion. Creating a sacred Tantric space involves reinventing the surroundings you are in, by dimming the lights, laying out all the most comfortable, silky smooth blankets and pillows, cleansing the space with sage to clear unwanted energies or stagnancy, as well as choosing an incense for peace, love and healing (such as gardenia or white lotus) to burn throughout the evening.

At this point you would also want to select a deep, gentle flow of music to have playing throughout the space as well, such as slow shamanic drumming or sitar music.

Personally, I like to open a magic circle as well when creating my sacred space, by calling on the four directions and all of the elements, to create boundaries between worlds.


Dress up in Sexy Lingerie, for Yourself


It just so happens that Halloween is approaching, and for me that means the perfect excuse to buy sexy new lingerie that doubles as part of my costume ;) It’s first wear is for no one’s eyes but my own!

For the perfect Tantric date night with yourself, I say most definitely get all dressed up for yourself as well. This includes sexy lingerie, doing your hair and makeup and lathering your self with coconut oil and sweet orange after a hot bubble bath. Yup, only the best for you.

Another great alternative to this, and a favorite classic is to just get naked. The all natural, organic lingerie that your beautiful body is.

If you'd like to take a more ceremonial approach, than loose clothing or ritual robes would be perfect as well.


The Intentions


Start out any practice with intentions by writing them down on a piece of paper to put on your altar, offer to flame or read out loud in declaration.

For a Tantric date night with yourself, these intentions would usually include things that center around improving your life and state of well being. Maybe you want to make more time for yourself in general, be more kind and compassionate towards yourself, awaken your inner wild warrior, honor your body more, create a new project or experience into being, or just want to allow yourself to feel more pleasure. You may want to intend to enhance your way of being with others in your life as well or to feel a deeper union with the divine. This is the time to intend that to your Higher Self, God(dess) and the Universe.

Keep a journal nearby for any revelations, inspirations, or releases that may come up.


The Mirror


Find a big enough mirror that you can comfortably sit in front of it and gaze into your own eyes. At this point you can read your intentions to yourself as well as stating loving affirmations, speaking as best as you can from your heart space. Simply powerful is to say “I love you” repeatedly to yourself until any remnants of doubt trickle away with the outpouring of soul centered love. Eye gazing with yourself in the mirror for some time, is bound to bring up thoughts and feelings, possibly insecurities, and is an excellent opportunity to be the observer without judgment.

Allow what arises to flow through you and be your own compassionate lover, gently redirecting focus to what you find beautiful about yourself, inside and out. Doing this long enough, you may find yourself diving in through the window of your own soul, seeing versions of yourself you never knew existed. At times I’ve started to see different emotions in my face when I wasn’t moving at all, or the presence of my inner child, future elder self, past lives and alter egos. This is a practice of seeing beyond the masks and false sense of permanency to the depths of the eternal soul.


The Breath


Definitely be breathing deep, full breaths throughout this whole ritual. Not only does it calm the nervous system, but it actually increases sensory perception as well, allowing you to access feelings that may be otherwise inaccessible due to various fears and anxieties.

Urban Tantra describes the Microcosmic Orbit as “The primary bio electric circuit along which life/sex energy runs in your body […] Blockages to the free flow of life/sex energy accumulating along the Microcosmic Orbit as a result of the pressures and strains of modern life, such as stressful work, poor diet, shallow breathing, poor posture, and lack of exercise. Blocked energy can be manifested as fatigue, illness, and a weak immune system. When you consciously circulate the energy around the Microcosmic Orbit, you begin to clear these blockages, and you can enjoy a sexier, more energized, and ecstatic life.” (Carrellas 113)

The Microcosmic Orbit is an excellent breath practice to incorporate in a Tantric ritual. You can try it by sitting in a comfortable seated position with a long spine and bringing your attention to your perineum. Breathing through your nose, pull the energy down through the perineum, up the spine, over the head and let it waterfall down the front body again, passing through each energy center. Visualize this vital life force energy circulating around your being with each breath and after some time add a Kegel to pump the breath up, which also stimulates the sensitivity in your genitals.


The Movement


If you feel inspired into movement at any point of the evening, allow yourself to be led by these inner guidance systems. Dance, shake, shimmy, serenade yourself with sensual movements that unleash your wild spirit. You may just feel like giving yourself a sexy performance in front of that mirror. You may just feel like asking yourself to dance, because you’re worthy of being the receiver of all that love you have to give.


The Vision


You can definitely condense your intentions into an image or a symbol to draw or paint, where after you can place it on your alter or simply keep it in your mind’s eye throughout your practice. Select colors that are energetically in alignment with what you’d like to embody and use pencils/pencil crayons to be closer to the Earth. Maybe you have selected a word such as compassion, with the intention of being more compassionate towards yourself. In this case, you can design a symbol with the letters of the word or an image associated with this word.


The Touch


This is the part where you make love to yourself. It can be done in absolutely any way at all that brings you into a state of feeling higher love. Bringing back the mirror and affirmations while touching yourself is a beautiful way to super charge those beliefs with the healing sexual energy you are awakening.

Touch yourself in the way that you have always wanted to be touched. Be curious, be open, be free. Be the explorer of the sacred temple that is your body. You may discover a treasure you never knew was there.

You can also visualize or stare at the image you created while making love to yourself. Breathe into the all encompassing knowing that you can always manifest what is best for your highest self, and why would you want anything less?

Weave your breath and movement into sacred, sensual undulations of the pelvis – a dance with yourself as your ultimate divine lover.


The Taste


Make sure you have a stash of dark chocolate, strawberries, rose tea and/or whatever else you like on your altar to treat yourself to an activated dessert at the end of your self-love Tantric date night!

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